By Leo Babauta
The final skill in the Execute group of skills is another important one: watch your thoughts.
Our thoughts have a much stronger influence on our habits than we often realize. They cause us to procrastinate on the habit, to quit the habit when we’re not feeling motivated, to give in to temptations as a reward, to delay out of fear.
They’re the hidden obstacles of habit formation.
So how do we deal with these obstacles? We shine a light on them. That’s the skill I’d like you to practice today, and I’d like you to keep practicing it every day for the rest of the month.
Here’s how.
Mindfully Watch Your Thoughts
As you do the habit mindfully, you can pay attention to your breath, your body, your surroundings … but you can also mindfully turn your attention to your thoughts.
Some things you can watch, as you do the habit:
- Urges: If you feel like quitting, or feel like giving in to temptation, or want to not do the habit today … these are urges. They arise in your mind out of nowhere, and can be really strong. Protip: They also go away after a minute.
- Rationalizations: We all do this — we tell ourselves that it’s OK not to do the habit, it’s OK to follow the urge, it’s OK to comfort yourself. And there are some good reasons too: you deserve this, you should give yourself a break, you shouldn’t make yourself suffer, just this once won’t hurt. They’ll all bullshit. They sound good, but they’re just ways to weasel out of doing what you’ve decided to do. Watch these rationalizations, but don’t always believe them.
- Negative self-talk: In the backs of our minds, we often tell ourselves very negative things. Things like, “I can’t do this” or “I’m not strong enough” or “This is too hard” or “I wish I were doing something else.” These are also all bullshit. They’re just ways for the mind to weasel out of discomfort. Don’t believe any of it.
For now, it’s enough to watch these things arise. Just notice that they’re happening. That’s a huge step for most of us.
If you can, also don’t act on them right away. Notice them, be curious about them, learn about them … but don’t take action. Just watch, just observe, just sit there with these thoughts.
Advance Skills
When you get good at observing, here are some more advanced skills you can practice with these thoughts:
- Delay: When you notice the urge, instead of acting on it right away, just delay. Wait for a few seconds, half a minute, a full minute. You’ll learn you can delay up to a couple of minutes after awhile. At that point, you can then act on the urge, or perhaps it has passed.
- Let the urge pass: Know that the urge will always pass. So if you get good at delaying, also try just watching the urge pass away like a cloud.
- Remove temptations: Sometimes it’s better to remove temptations from your environment. If you can’t help checking your phone instead of meditating, put the phone in a different part of the house, or ask someone to hold it until you’re done meditating. If you’re trying to change your diet, remove all junk food, or go somewhere else while someone eats the junk food.
- Comfort your complaining mind: When you have rationalizations or negative self-talk, that’s just because your mind is having a hard time with the change you’re trying to make. That’s OK! We all have a hard time with change sometimes. See that your mind is stressing out about this, and be compassionate. Comfort the mind — not with junk food or other unhealthy rewards, but with a mental hug. But just because the mind is having a hard time, doesn’t mean you have to give in.
Dealing with your urges, rationalizations, and negative self-talk isn’t always easy, but it’s a skill that will take you a long way to forming habits. Most habits can’t be formed until you learn this skill, so practice it today, and all this month, and you’ll be much more prepared for future habit changes.
Action Steps
Today, I’d like you to take a couple actions:
- Mindfully watch your thoughts as you practice your habit (if you already did the habit today, then do this tomorrow).
- Do a quick weekly review on this thread.