By Leo Babauta
In this webinar, we go to the heart of the self-confidence habit, which is developing trust in our basic goodness. That trust makes true confidence in ourselves possible. I also answered some awesome questions.
I’ve broken this webinar recording into two parts:
- Part I – My Talk: Developing Trust in Our Basic Goodness. (See notes)
- Part II – Questions & Answers: I talked about the updates to our HabitApp, questions about being our own worst enemy, how habits shift after travel or distractions, the difference between trust in your basic goodness and self-compassion, procrastination and self-discipline, and more!
Part I: Leo’s Talk (with notes)
Here are the notes from my talk (video is below the notes):
Developing Trust in Our Basic Goodness.:
Why is this related to self-confidence and why is it an important topic?
This is one of the most important topics we will talk about in Sea Change and in our lives. We will talk about inadequacy and lack of self-confidence.
- lack of self-confidence and feelings of inadequacy are some of the key obstacles that stop people from doing our habits
- every time we mess up, we start to feel bad about ourselves and it reinforces this negative view we have about ourselves
- we procrastinate, drink too much alcohol, use food or other forms of self-comfort to distract us from the bad feelings we have about ourselves
- this cuts to the heart of all of our problems
Why does this happen and how do we deal with it?
- we have difficulty accepting ourselves as we are because we have a mental habit of how we should be “better”, “more” or “different”
- the “shoulds”, “ought-to”, and supposed to” are mental fabrications and made-up ideas that aren’t real
- the mental fabrications are not real but have a real affect on our lives and on our happiness
If we make these up and they are not real, what would happen if we decided to drop the fabrications?
- if you drop all the mental fabrications, ideals, fantasies, and shoulds, your are left with pure experience
- the pure experience is real
- learning to drop the fabrications and just experience this moment, we can see the good all around us
- we can purely experience who we are in this moment
- we can feel our body and feel the goodness inside of us
The Good Heart and goodness is in us.
- there is goodness and wholeness within us in this exerience
- it is enough in and of itself without needing to add-on or be more or be different
- we can notice the basic goodness in our pure experience
- we have a good heart that wants to be good to others
- pain sits upon the raw, good heart, but you can stay with it at this moment
- a wanting to connect with others and contribute to the world in a meaningful way is within our good heart
Trust that this goodness is always there.
- even when we yell, procrastinate, or are in a slump
- even in our worst moments of anger, there is a good heart underneath
- we practice trusting that is always underlying our experience
- we start to accept ourselves and others as is
- we can develop a true self-confidence in ourselves
- trust that no matter what, we have a good heart
â€¨The Practice is very simple.
1. Sit in meditation.
2. Notice the mental fabrications coming up.
3. See the goodness in your heart.
Just try it. Practice every day and check-in throughout the day. Tune into your experience. Drop the shoulds and feel the goodness within you. You will begin to trust in yourself. And you will know that no matter how badly you screw up there is goodness always there.
Part II: Questions and Answers
Questions answered in this video:
- There are new updates about our HabitApp!
- Are you considering revisting the Wake Early App anytime soon?
- This course was so timely for me. Before you announced, I told myself to quit being my own worst enemy and be my own cheerleader.
- I backslide after habits are disrupted with vacations or something is distracting me.
- Is it important to understand the difference between this trust and self-compassion? They seem related and I do not know if it is important to tease out the details of the difference.
- I am new to Sea Change. I have been trying to defeat my lack of self-discipline and procrastination struggle for ages with a different method. Your program seems to really work for me. I believe in myself again and I hope this time I will be finally able to change. Thank you so much for what you do.
- I have been a member for the past two years now, but honestly have not completed even a single course. I am very upset with myself. I want to lose weight (30 kg), crave for sugar a lot, half-hearted efforts.
- When you say the commitment to yourself and building trust in your own word to yourself, that is the strongest thing in the long run, it helps us to trust ourselves and like ourselves more?
- Why don’t you do webinars once a week?