As you practice letting go of expectations, you might notice that it’s challenging just to notice the expectations — we suggest you use visual and computer/phone reminders to keep this in your awareness during the day.
But sometimes even harder is noticing that you even have an expectation — they’re so ingrained in us, and come in so many different forms, that we don’t realize they’re there.
To help you out, I’m going to list some examples of expectations you might have (I definitely have all of these at different times) … these might not all apply to you, but you might notice some here that you have, and others you might not notice until later.
This is not an exhaustive list, but here we go …
You might expect that:
- Others will treat you with consideration
- Others will clean up after themselves
- You will be treated fairly
- Others will treat everyone with fairness
- People will be courteous in traffic
- Your day will go as planned
- You will get what you expected when you bought something
- An event will go without problems
- A trip will be exactly as you pictured
- You won’t get lost
- You will be comfortable
- You won’t be cold, or too hot, or tired
- You won’t be sick or in pain
- You won’t get old and infirm
- Other people won’t be cranky or in foul moods
- Your home will be decluttered
- Your body will be muscular with nice abs, or have big boobs and a flat stomach
- You’ll be without pimples, warts, unwanted hair, blemishes
- People won’t make noise that will disturb you
- People in a library will be quiet
- People on a train will be courteous
- You won’t be bumped into when passing people in the street
- Crime won’t happen to you
- Your bank will never charge you ridiculous fees
- Airlines will never lose their luggage
- Your plane will be on time
- You won’t get stuck in traffic
- Your hotel room will be ready when you arrive
- People will turn things in on time
- People will respond to you in a timely manner
- Your partner will always act lovingly to you
- You won’t be rejected
- Your coffee will be just as you like it
- You will be able to have all the delicious food you like
- You will be mindful all the time
- Your kids will behave as you want them to all the time
- Your business will be thriving
- You will find your purpose or passion in life
- You will meet your goals
- You will eventually have the perfect life
- You will meet someone attractive and amazing who will love you completely and forever
- Life will be like the people in advertisements
- You’ll never be broke or in debt
- You won’t have to do hard work
- You’ll learn something very quickly
- People will always think well of you, and you’ll never do something stupid or incompetently
- Things won’t smell bad
- Your habits will go as you imagined they would
- You’ll have discipline, and not procrastinate, and be motivated
- Things won’t break or wear out
- Your order will arrive on time
- You’ll have good sleep every night
- You’ll succeed at this project
- You’ll be appreciated
And of course, I could go on and on. This list could easily be 10 times as long. But you get the idea — our expectations are everywhere, in every situation, and they’re not realistic.
Instead, let’s be realistic: let’s see reality as it is, without these preconceived ideals for how life should be. Let’s see life for what it is, with curiosity instead of expectations.
Let’s start by noticing these expectations as they arise.