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In this lesson, we talk about working on yourself and building confidence.
Why is self-confidence so important for developing new relationships?
Shel Silverstein has a book called, The Missing Piece. The idea is, when we go looking for someone else, we are looking for someone to fill in the missing pieces of ourselves. The lesson of the book is, that in becoming complete on our own, we will be able to roll through life on our own with confidence and emotional self-sufficiency. We don’t need someone else to make us happy.
If we can become complete, whole and happy on our own, then we can meet others in the same place in life and can come together as complete, whole, happy people. We are happy together but also when we are apart.
The key to this lesson is
- becoming happy with yourself
- becoming happy on your own
- becoming whole and self-sufficient
- becoming confident in who you are
If you bring that to a new relationship, you will be more attractive, whether it’s dating or a friendship. The friends I have been attracted to, I find that the more self-worth I have, I am drawn to people who have that in themselves. I’m drawn to people who can be on their own but also bring to the relationship a joy for life.
People are attracted to and value others with:
- self-confidence
- self-love
- self- worth
If you bring this to a relationship, it will be granted back to you.
You cannot make someone else feel better about themselves by constantly complimenting and reassuring them. They need to take the initiative to see the good in themselves and reassure themselves. In the end, that person needs to want to value themselves and see the good in themselves every single day.
How do we get there?
This is something we can consciously work on. We can start to change our attitude and do something about how we feel about ourselves.
Take care of yourself. It shows that you value yourself.
- Grooming, shaving if you do that, making sure you are clean and well-groomed.
- Dress in a way that shows you care about your appearance.
- Flossing, brushing your teeth and taking care of your nails. This shows others that you care about yourself and have the basics of life mastered.
- Exercise and eat well.
- Clean up, clear your desk and start taking care of the space around you.
- Stand tall and proud with confidence. Allow yourself to be seen and heard.
Do these a little at a time to start showing yourself that you value yourself. These are outward things that take inner work. Just start to take actions that help you become more aware of how you are presenting yourself.
Your attitude toward yourself. This is the most important thing! How do you see and treat yourself inwardly? Over the years. we develop negative, self-talk habits. At this point, take responsibility and not be so harsh to yourself.
Generosity. Often, we think of this as something we do towards others. Many times we do this in the form of giving food, wealth, and clothes. But we also do this in spirit. Do we see them in a critical way where we constantly tear them apart or do we see them in a generous way where we see the beauty in them? There is beauty in every person. Generosity of spirit is looking over little flaws and seeing their personality in a good light.
We can do this for ourselves as well. Instead of seeing all our flaws, being harsh and criticizing ourselves, we can start to recognize all the good in ourselves.
Be kind to ourselves and see the good heart that underlies it all.
- goodness
- strength
- generosity
- optimism
- love
All of these things and more can be seen if we are generous to ourselves. Maybe we start with others before ourselves, but it can be done simultaneously. Notice the meanness and harshness of spirit towards ourselves. Then notice the love and generosity we can have towards ourselves.
Do a daily session each morning of seeing the good in yourself. This can be difficult for some. What can you see?
- Maybe it’s a journal or meditation session.
- Look for the beauty in yourself.
- See all of the good things you have done.
Challenge: For the next week, start a meditation or journal session where you can state all the generous things about yourself and others. Do this every single day. They can be repetitive.
- I am strong through adversity.
- I love many people.
- I try to be the best person that I can.
- Yesterday I exercised.
- The day before I meditated.
- I am trying my best.
By repeating these things, you start to see the worth, beauty and strength in yourself. Develop yourself as a good, string, generous, interesting person. Bring this to any new relationship.
Add to your self image. Start a new project where you self-improve. It could be learning a new language or starting to exercise or meditating. Learn something new. Be curious and explore.
Improve your self image.
- Start with grooming and project confidence.
- Be generous in spirit to yourself and to others.
- Do a daily practice for the next week.
- Learn and improve yourself to add to your self-image.
I believe these will have profound influences on all kinds of things from your relationships to work to how happy you are on your own.