Sometimes when you see yourself suffering — you’re angry, you’re resentful, you’re frustrated, you’re irritated, you’re offended — it’s easy to see the suffering …

But it’s hard to let go, because you believe it’s the other person’s fault.

Imagine someone has done something very rude, inconsiderate. They should know better, right? You’re angry/offended now, which is suffering … but the suffering isn’t your fault! Why should you let it go when you’re right, and the other person is at fault?

You let go, because not letting go only adds to your suffering.

I know, easier said than done. But it’s a good thing to remember: the other person cause you harm, which you are unhappy with, naturally. That’s the first hurt. Then you hold onto that hurt, wish it didn’t happen, wish the other person would see the wrong of their ways and apologize, wish the other person could feel bad or be hurt in return. This is continuing suffering, that you’re causing yourself by holding onto the offense. This is the second hurt, and it’s actually much worse than the first hurt.

You’re causing yourself much more suffering, by holding onto the offense, than the person caused you in the first place by their wrong action.

Knowing this doesn’t make it easy to let go, but it’s a start. By seeing the harm you’re doing yourself, you might be more motivated to try to let go.

What helps me is to put the offense from the other person in persepctive.

Here are some things to consider:

A lot of this means stepping outside our small view of the situation, and getting a bigger view. Seeing things from the big picture, or seeing things from the other person’s view.

When we are in a small view, it’s easy to get caught up in the offense of anything … but the big view lets us see things calmly and without getting caught up. We can watch the events float by like clouds, not having any particular meaning, maybe even a little beauty. With this way of looking at things, we can find peace.