In this webinar, I talk about habits, expectations, fantasy and reality.

I’ve broken this webinar recording into two parts:

  1. Part I – My Talk: Expectations and reality (See notes)
  2. Part II – Questions & Answers: I answered some really great questions from some amazing people, please watch!

Part I: Leo’s Talk (with notes)

I was talking with a coaching client recently, and they talked about the discouragement of not making as much progress as they were hoping. They were making progress, but not even close to what their expectations were.

This is the difficulty with expectations – we all have them, they just happen in the background. But we rarely meet them — and so we get:

Beat ourselves up.
Hate the process.
Lose confidence in ourselves.

These are the pitfalls of expectations.

So what are expectations and where do they come from?

Expectations are simply a fantasy that the mind comes up with when it enters a situation, because it’s a way to feel that things are under control. Any new habit change, project, event, relationship … it is filled with uncertainty. We don’t know how to handle that uncertainty — and so we seek ways to control the situation.

A fantasy for how it will work out — our expectations of ourselves and others — is a way to feel control of an uncontrollable situation.

Unfortunately, the fantasy rarely matches with reality. And so we get frustrated, disappointed, discouraged, etc etc

What’s another possibility?

Practicing with what is. Reality, just as it is.

Notice in this moment what reality is like — how you feel, what the room is like, what the experience of this webinar is like. It’s not good or bad, it’s just what is.

Some examples of working with what is:

There is no way that things need to be, other than how they are. That includes having expectations. That includes the reality of being disappointed or frustrated. It includes the reality of missing a day or two, or wanting to give up. It includes the reality of the workout not going as well as we’d like, or the meditation being filled with thoughts and distractions.

When we open up to reality in this way, there’s no other way it needs to be. We can just keep going. And even find gratitude for the way things are.

Watch above, or here on Vimeo.

Part II: Questions and Answers

 Watch above, or here on Vimeo.