In this webinar, we talk about how this open-hearted training works, and how to practice with it in a powerful way.
I’ve broken this webinar recording into two parts:
- Part I – My Talk: I share powerful this open-hearted training can be, including in my own life. (See notes)
- Part II – Questions & Answers: I answered some amazing questions from participants, a must-watch.
Part I: Leo’s Talk (with notes)
Here are the notes from my talk (video is below the notes):
Relationships can be one of the most difficult areas of our lives, because unlike trying to meditate, exercise, or reducing our possessions â€¦ relationships are not things we can really control.
And even more challenging: the other person can often trigger in us patterns of shutting down or lashing out that are hard to shift.
When weâ€™re in an intimate relationship (not necessarily romantic, just someone we love deeply), it can be a source of nourishment, love, trust â€¦ but because weâ€™ve opened our hearts to this person we trust, it can also be a source of hurt, betrayal, irritation, frustration, anger.
So what are we to do? Shut ourselves down and never feel this kind of pain? Thatâ€™s not any better, because then we never experience the love.
Instead, we might try some open-hearted training:
- When we are about to shut down because of being triggered, what if we stayed open instead?
- Keeping our hearts open, we might pour our love and gratitude about the other person, instead of complaining about or resenting them
- We might vulnerably share our feelings, instead of hiding them â€” and this vulnerability will change the other person as well
- We can see the other personâ€™s pain, listen to them, give them compassion, which will change the entire dynamic of the relationship
This isnâ€™t a quick-fix for relationship problems. But it is taking responsibility for your side of the dynamic of a relationship, instead of blaming. Sure, the other person should do some work too â€” but that will always be true. What if we took leadership and started changing how we show up?
The practice of open-hearted training is to keep your heart open instead of shutting down â€” we know what it feels like to shut down, itâ€™s turning away, not talking, complaining, lashing out, resenting, blaming, being irritated, being angry, guilt tripping, not sharing.
Instead of engaging with this shutting down, we stay open, even if it hurts. Even if itâ€™s scary. To the extent that we can.
Set boundaries and protect yourself, of course. But thatâ€™s different than remaining shut. Within the safety of boundaries, we can stay open, and be OK.
And in doing so, we can change a relationship in a powerful way.
Part II: Questions & Answers
In this 2nd part of the webinar, I answered some great questions from those who attended â€” please watch!